2.6.1 Phenomenon 3: Self-Knowledge – The Purification of the Mind
Self-knowledge is a natural outcome of meditation and silent prayer. As long as we pray from our thoughts and emotions, this process only happens to a limited extent.
Only when we enter into silence are we confronted with our true reality.
We begin to perceive the actual state of our mind.
Each of us has a certain self-image. But this is merely a construct - a mental idea of who we are.
Reality may be different, and it certainly is.
When we meditate regularly over a long period of time, we spend hours and days in contact with our true reality. In meditation, we cannot ignore or suppress anything, even if we don’t like what we see.
We are relentlessly confronted with everything that makes us who we are. The inner path to God leads through our own reality.
There is no way to bypass the restoration of our inner nature.
The path to God leads us through this process of self-knowledge.
What is prayer?
It is purification.
It is necessary to purify your mind. It is a method of discipline to cleanse our mind. It is necessary to unify your mind.
Through prayer, you will restore the standard of your original conscience.
Situations from our lives will arise in which we acted in certain ways. Often, a different image of ourselves appears in the process. In this way, we uncover layer by layer ever deeper self-awareness.
Recognizing our actual reality is the prerequisite for positive transformation. As long as we hold onto illusions about ourselves, no profound change will take place.
This kind of self-knowledge can initially be unpleasant. Christian mystics speak of “painful self-knowledge.”
But ultimately, it leads us to true freedom - because we begin to uncover our original nature or, in Buddhist terms, our true self. We begin to shed our fallen nature, just as a snake sheds its old skin.
In the end, we are gifted with the discovery of our true self.
Habits can last forever; it is so hard to change them. But they can still be changed while you live on earth...
When a snake sheds its skin, it crawls around until it finds a crack in a rock where its tail gets stuck. It will then coil its body around a tree and rub against it with all its might, even to the point of bleeding, to shed its skin.
2.6.2 Different Standards of Purity
A street is considered clean if there’s no trash lying around. But if all the dust from that street were in our bathroom, we would find it very dirty. Even after thoroughly cleaning the bathroom, a bit of dust always remains.
Yet if the remaining dust from a clean bathroom were in our eye, it would be extremely unpleasant - and we would want to remove it immediately.
In the same way, the spiritual life involves a growing standard of purity. When we practice silent prayer, we move closer to God.
In the presence of God, even the smallest speck of dust becomes visible.
Someone might claim they do not sin because they don’t steal and remain faithful to their partner. But in meditation, they may come to see that through their actions – or inactions – they still cause harm to others and to God. This realization challenges their self-image.
Ultimately, we hurt our own heart whenever we hurt others or God.
Our original heart is very pure. The more we wound it, the further we move away from our center and from our true self. Later, we begin to feel more clearly the pain that our lack of love has caused in our heart.
2.6.3 My Personal Experience with Painful Self-Realization
I found myself in a phase where, admittedly, I was somewhat depressed. I wasn’t feeling well internally.
It was winter, I had been overworking for a long time, and I was exhausted. The external situation couldn’t be changed in the short term, and there was no sign that it would improve anytime soon. In such life phases, I tend to slip into depression, as I’m naturally prone to it.
In my meditation, negative thoughts about other people constantly surfaced. Over time, it became increasingly clear to me what was going on inside of me:
I felt bad and tried to feel better by internally devaluing and criticizing others.
Gradually, memories of situations from my past emerged - moments where I had done the very same thing.
The image I saw of myself filled my entire inner world. It felt as if I had spent my whole life doing nothing but putting others down in order to elevate myself.
In psychotherapy, the focus at this point might have been on rebuilding self-esteem. But on my path of prayer, something else became clear to me: I painfully became aware of this inner pattern.
I was horrified - even disgusted - by my own behavior. I was utterly fed up with myself.
I had already been through many years of psychotherapy, until psychologists told me that nothing more could be done - I would simply have to live with it. On top of that, I had nearly 40 years of walking a religious path behind me, and still I was the same.
I lost hope of being able to improve myself in this life. With all my supposed wisdom as an experienced family therapist, I had not succeeded in healing and changing deeply enough.
I lost hope that I could ever truly change in this lifetime. Despite all my supposed wisdom as an experienced family therapist, I had not managed to heal or transform myself deeply enough.
It felt like I was being worn down from the inside.
But it was precisely at that point that something significant happened. The greatest blessing of my inner life opened up to me:
I became willing to place myself completely in God's hands.
I asked God to change me - and that was the moment I began to experience the miracle of His working in me.
2.6.4 How God Changes Us
It’s not easy to entrust oneself to God - to let Him guide my life and align my decisions with His will.
But even harder for me was to entrust the transformation of my inner being to Him.
To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be awakened by all things.
Usually, we want to change ourselves in the way we think is best. We want to become the kind of person we envision.
But that is not always the right path for us. Perhaps I am meant to become someone more like the kind of people I tend to reject or look down on.
In the past, I often judged others as gullible or naive. I didn’t want to be like that - nor did I want to be seen that way. I did everything I could to avoid appearing gullible.
The idea of being seen and judged that way by others would have been deeply painful for me.
But what if God wants to transform me in a way that makes me appear exactly like that in the eyes of others? In the past, I would have resisted with all my strength.
That was something I never wanted to become.
To entrust the transformation of my being to God means letting go of that resistance and surrendering to Him.
It means trusting that God will lead me on the best possible path - a transformation for which I will, in the end, surely be happy and deeply grateful.
How does God change us through silent prayer?
When we open ourselves to God in pure prayer, we sit in silence in His presence.
We "gaze upon God" - as Christian mystics would say. In His presence, He begins to work within us.
The transformation of our being is inevitable.
It happens slowly but steadily. Often, its effects only become visible after weeks or months.
If we allow it, God can bring about a profound change within us.
A wisdom begins to move and guide us that far surpasses our own. The result will be better than anything we could have imagined.
I have experienced this firsthand.
The experiences I share in the next section will make this even clearer.
2.6.5 How God Revealed the Principle of Repentance to Me
The concept of repentance often had a bitter aftertaste for me. At times, it felt like belittling or devaluing oneself.
I wondered why God would need our repentance if He loves us unconditionally.
I don’t expect my own children to repent when they’ve hurt me. It’s enough for me if they open their hearts again. Then I can open mine as well, and all is well - the love can flow again.
The way God revealed this inner step to me was truly surprising.
I’ll describe it through one experience.
It was during a time when, in prayer, situations repeatedly came up in which I had acted without love. I had always thought of myself as a loving person. But these situations showed me a different image of myself. Over time, they worked on me.
I began to allow them in and accepted this new view of myself.
This was followed by a deep, sad mood that lasted for several days.
No one is worthy of heavenly comfort who has not first diligently practiced holy contrition.
If you want your hard heart to soften and open again, go into your room and shut out the noise of the world.
As Scripture says: speak with your heart in your chamber until it becomes wounded and soft.
Then something indescribable happened.
My wife and I went to the hardware store to buy materials for a renovation. As I entered the store, I was suddenly overcome by a strong sense of love.
I felt an unusually deep love for all people - would’ve liked to hug everyone.
It didn’t take long before people responded. One saleswoman told me she would be very sad when my renovation was finished and I wouldn’t be coming in anymore. A long and deeply personal conversation unfolded - something rather unusual in a hardware store. A place where craftsmen usually just get their supplies tends to be much more matter-of-fact.
The amazing thing about this experience was:
This love I felt did not come from within myself
Though I felt it in my heart, it was not a typical emotion. It had an extraordinary intensity, and I felt completely filled by it.
2.6.6 The Principle of Repentance
Repentance is the most powerful step toward receiving God’s grace. God does not need our repentance in order to forgive us, nor does He want to belittle us.
His only motivation is to bless us richly.
Whether we deserve it or not is irrelevant - God’s love knows no bounds.
In the experience described earlier, it became clear that God wanted to grant me His grace.
He wanted to place His love into my heart.
But I was not yet open and ready for it.
I believed I was a loving person because I often tried to be loving and not hurt others.
However, an inner preparation was needed in order to receive this grace. It came through reflecting on my own lack of love in many situations.
Then came the decisive step: I had to accept what God was showing me.
Yes, it’s true - I am often unloving!
Only by accepting this did the sadness over my lack of love arise - the feeling of repentance.
Repentance is a completely natural feeling that arises when we realize we have done something wrong. Once we allow it to reach our heart - and that is the most important condition - our heart becomes sorrowful.
This sadness of an open, sincere heart is repentance.
And it is precisely this kind of heart that God needs in order to give us His grace.
The steps are as follows:
- Allow painful self-realization
- Accept the reality that is shown
- Allow the feeling of repentance
- Receive the grace
In the end, one could say that it is a reason to rejoice when something leads us to repentance. It is a sign that a great gift is waiting for us.
It only takes a small step on our part to receive it.
2.6.7 Restoration through Reparation
According to Christian belief, an event known as the Fall of Man caused a fundamental problem at the beginning of human history. Since then, human beings have no longer existed in natural, immediate closeness to God. The path humanity must take to return to God is referred to as restoration.
On this path, the principle of reparation - also known as atonement or indemnity - comes into play.
It states that in order to return to God, a person must offer something in sacrifice. In the Old Testament, material things such as animals were sacrificed. In ascetic practice, this is done, for example, through fasting. On the inner path, the sacrifice often takes the form of a process that is accompanied by a period of suffering.
If anyone wants to follow me, they must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.
The Divine Principle explains this as follows: a person who takes responsibility for restoration must fulfill a condition over a certain period - often involving symbolic timeframes such as 40 or 21 days. There are numerous biblical examples of this, such as Moses’ and Jesus’ 40 days of fasting.
The Principle of Reparation in Buddhism
This principle is also found in Buddhism, where the mystical path to enlightenment leads through difficult periods and painful experiences.
The Eightfold Path offers a practice of liberation, often associated with renunciation, mindfulness, and inner discipline.
Meditation and self-awareness play a central role in recognizing the true nature of existence and ultimately breaking free from the cycle of suffering.
Sharon Salzberg, a well-known American Buddhist teacher, describes how liberated she felt when she realized that suffering is part of the path. Not because we are doing something wrong or because we are ignorant - but rather:
Suffering is an essential part of the path.
Restoration through Reparation in Meditation
The principle of restoration through reparation can be directly experienced on the path of meditation and prayer.
Suffering manifests in phases during which one goes through states that can be unpleasant to painful.
It begins with the automatic thoughts that repeatedly take over our consciousness, unpleasant sensations and feelings, all the way to the perception of a spiritual atmosphere that can feel oppressive.
The Christian Church Fathers describe how demons constantly implant thoughts and torment them with temptations. Only when they have steadfastly endured this do they experience the grace of heavenly comforts such as bliss, love, and joy.
The great gifts of grace and mystical experiences are usually preceded by a phase of inner emptiness and unpleasant states in prayer.
The "dark night of the soul" has already been mentioned as one of the great periods of reparation. However, there are also smaller phases lasting only a few weeks or days. Every meditation often begins with an unpleasant distraction, which, after a while, leads us into a pleasant, clear, and open state. Deep meditative states are always associated with inner joy.
However, for this transformation, we must go through a certain type of suffering.
The willingness to suffer plays a decisive role.
In meditation, we experience sensations and states immediately and consciously. In everyday life, on the other hand, we often try to distract ourselves quickly. In meditation, however, we enter these states with full awareness.
We also experience that the unpleasant immediately loses its terror and changes in quality as soon as we meet it with mindfulness and let go of our aversion to it. A previously very unpleasant bodily sensation, such as painful tension, thus becomes a neutral sensation of tension.
Through the willingness to suffer, the suffering decreases.
Seen in this light, the willingness to suffer is the most powerful means of overcoming suffering.
2.6.8 The Grace of God
God’s grace is an indescribable, real power that we can connect with through the spiritual path.
It is a resource that does not exist in psychotherapy. In fact, it is grace that truly makes the way to God possible in the first place. How difficult would it be if we had to bring about all change by ourselves?
In psychotherapy, the focus is on becoming aware of behavioral and emotional patterns in order to develop new ones.
This is laborious detailed work. In a truth- or ethics-centered religious life, we also reflect on ourselves and strive to improve.
All of this is valuable, and we should make use of these tools.
But it is God’s grace that ultimately leads us to our true human potential.
As children of God, we are not left to ourselves
- we become the object of His grace.
Our essential task is to open ourselves to it. The mystical path leads us directly into the experience of divine grace.
The sincere heart that seeks God
The most important thing in religious life is a sincere heart that longs for God – because this very longing is love for God.
This heart is what leads us back to Him.
Through prayer, we can reconnect with it. It is exactly this heart that drives mystics to walk their path. We are called to rediscover this love within us and open our hearts to it.