It was a phase in life where I worked a lot. We had bought a nearly 100-year-old house in need of renovation. Our vision was to create a home, and at the same time, a place for inner and spiritual development. After the purchase, there was no money left, so we had no choice but to do everything ourselves.
For seven years, I did almost nothing but work and pray.
After work, I would immediately put on my work clothes and work until I was exhausted – usually until 10 PM. We replaced almost everything except for the bricks and beams.
After a few years, I felt under pressure. I was already in my late 50s and desperately wanted to do something for God. But the workload was so enormous that everything seemed to drag on endlessly.
Over and over, I asked God what I could do for Him in this situation.
Then He gave me a message.
I had a dream with unusually clear images. In the dream, I was applying for a job at a company. It was still unclear which position I would get. I was shown various tasks – office work or technical duties. But none of them particularly excited me.
In a longer silent prayer, something suddenly happened.
I had an insight - not just an intellectual realization, but a small enlightenment.
It came over me as if from nowhere.
Initially, it was without content, a pure spiritual experience that came from a depth one begins to sense in nothingness. A moment later, it became a clear sentence:
"I am not an employer! I just want to be present through you!”
This message overwhelmed me emotionally. Even today, I get tears in my eyes when I think about it. It completely changed my perspective.
God did not want someone to work for Him - yet that was the relationship I had lived with Him. I had treated Him like an employer for whom I could work to earn His reward. I believed I could satisfy Him if I accomplished enough.
But God shook me awake from this limited concept. That was not the relationship He wanted with me.
God wants to live within us. God wants to manifest Himself through us.
This insight changed my feeling toward God.
No longer was the pressure to accomplish something in order to make God happy the focus. Instead, my focus became preparing myself and opening up so that God could dwell in me.
If God wants to be present through me, then He can be at any moment – whether I'm knocking plaster off the walls, sitting on the toilet, going for a walk, or talking to someone.
It is not the external action that matters, but my consciousness and my love for God in every moment.
What I can do for God no longer comes from my reasoning and planning, but unfolds in my heart in every moment of my life.
Every moment becomes an expression of being and acting in the sense of God.